surrender

I have been remembering surrender.

Being in the present moment with curiosity, compassion and gratitude for life exactly as it is. In my body it is about awareness of breath. Long inhale, longer exhale. Release shame, fear and anger and my sometimes staunch ideas about who I think I am and who I think God is. Being open to for something new to enter other than my constructions. How can I be a better steward of the my own body, heart and mind and in turn be a steward for others?

Some things that have this feeling for me: filling the bird feeders, listening at work without judgement, washing my dogs in the shower, singing, dancing in my living room, yoga, honest writing, and always my visits to Arizona to see my dad.

life is all around us

Even a stone, and more easily a flower or a bud, could show you the way back to God, to the source, to yourself. When you look at it or hold it and let it be without imposing a word or mental label on it, a sense of awe, of wonder, arises within you. Its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you.
- The Earth Within, Eckhart Tolle

I have gained this heightened sense of awareness for all that is alive around me. In walking around my neighborhood I see intricacies of so many gardens, of tree trunks, trees uprooted and cut down from our recent storms, layout of rocks and am noticing the distinct bird and insect sounds individually and as they blend.

In my front yard a robin in nesting.


A raccoon lives in the gutter of the house next door. He watches from his perch so still and just stares at Neko and she goes bezerk in her existential quest to jump up and show him who he is dealing with.


A katydid. I felt a little bit invasive taking her picture. Few other groups in the insect world have as wide a range of survival tactics as katydids. Katydids do everything from posing as remarkably life-like leaves to mimicking other insects in their attempts to make it through the day without being eaten.


My tomato plants are 7 feet tall. I ate my the first vegetable I have ever grown today - a cherry tomato. Excellent taste.

There so much going on in a moment.

2 ducks

I planted a garden this past weekend -- lettuce, spinach, squash, cucumbers, blueberry plant, strawberry plant, 3 types of tomatoes, celery, oregano, parsley, cantaloup, cabbage. I took back some of the dog's territory (which is the whole back yard) with a small green fence. Neko has already squeezed through it and explored this little magical place. But I am going to get a new fence. I love being in my yard.

I feel genuinely happy and very connected - more than ever in life. It is truly spring for me.

Decisions are coming easily and rapidly. I sold my Grand Cherokee for a used Prius. I've not been coloring my hair which is fun. It is dark blond. I will be making my way over time out of the corporate world and using my business skills for living things -- animals, the earth. It has come easily to me to reconnect with so many people from the past that I have loved or grown away from. And at the same time there are some that I see to leave be. I'm starting to acknowledge what I use in water, how I consume in general. I would consider myself wealthy by some people's standards and I consume a lot. I like the idea of using the resources that I have vs. buying more. I have a lot of food, colored pencils, bags, candles, pictures, books, clothes, nail polish, shampoos, and on and on. And with what I have there is so much that can be built, dwelled in, explored, enjoyed, shared.


I am supporting Barack Obama for President. What I feel most responsive to is that there he presents an invitation for us to sincerely engage. Can we all just sit a bit more still through the invitation for own our change? I pray and send my very best compassion to those that may feel a little or very threatened by his voice or the voice of those who support him. Yes we can!

My neighbors across the street have built a natural habitat setting in their yard, which has attracted 2 particular ducks - a female and a male. They visit every evening to their yard, sit by the duck pool, and sometimes walk across the street to my yard and hang out in the middle. I feel so pleased that Patti and Conrad's ecosystem has extended to mine.

happiness

I value very direct communication, authenticity, accountability, intimacy and an environment that supports each of us reaching our highest potential. I feel a sense of responsibility, joy actually, in helping to create that for others and most importantly not to limit that for others based on my own fears. If and when I do, then I feel responsible to own it and grow through it.